Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Finding Myself

Well, I have been away from blog world for quite some time. I didn't think I would come back to blog world but lately all I can think about is wanting to come and express myself. My job is going fabulous, I am really doing a kick ass job. My friends and family are awesome. A person in my situation should feel like the luckiest person in the world... Yet, I have the emptiness inside of me. I can't put my finger on where the emptiness comes from and not all the therapy in the world can help you, trust me... I've been there.

I don't know why I feel so empty, so alone, so lonely. For the longest time all I have wanted was the perfect man. I have summed up what I am looking for in a man. I love black men, educated, athletic, and swag is a plus. Yet, I seem that I can not find what I am looking for and when I am not looking it seems it can not find me. People say patience, I say does my lonliness really come from being single... I know that sounds silly but is that really the truth behind of this.

All of my friends have boyfriends and girlfriends, even families. I am the last one standing it for some reason it seems to bother me. I don't know anymore.

My life seems so perfect from the outside yet in the inside I'm in complete pain from my lonliness.


naturgesetz said...

It's nice to see you back, Peyton.

Some of the things I have been told and read suggest that intimacy is important in life — emotional intimacy, that is, not necessarily sexual. So I'm wondering if there is anyone in your family or circle of friends with whom you feel really close? Your brother, maybe? But I don't remember whether he's living close enough to provide satisfying contact on a frequent enough basis. Anyway, could the problem be lack of intimacy — with superficial relationships?

Or could it be lack of goals or a sense of purpose?

You've probably thought about all of these before, but if not, I hope the suggestions will be helpful in some way.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Diary of a Mad Latino Man said...

I believe it is sense of purpose. I don't know what my sense of purpose is in life and I think that I struggle with that.

Diary of a Mad Latino Man said...

Also, naturgesetz... Do you know any interesting blogs I could follow and how I can get people to follow me. I want to become active again.

naturgesetz said...

For sense of purpose — as I recall, you were a high school teacher (English, if memory serves). If you're still doing that, could your life's purpose be to awaken as many of them as possible to the light that literature shines on our lives and condition — as well as conveying the skills that will help them communicate effectively. It is certainly a noble purpose to help the next generations live well in society.

As for blogs, the roll in the left column of my blog lists the blogs I follow. Depending on what you want, you might want to follow some that have to do principally to do with the Catholic Church, such as Cardinal Sean's Blog, A Friar's Life, or Victory of Faith
— or literary blogs like MartininBroda or Morgenl√§nders Notizbuch,the former largely in German with occasional translations, the latter often quoting English authors in the original, and both understand English comments and respond in very good English
— or personal journals like Lunario's Book of Days (a German high schooler who writes in English); Sethboyardee from New Jersey, depressed and with other problems; Mr. Urs, a happily partnered Swiss with a lot to say about food; i am callen, a recent college graduate; Peter's Blog, a college freshman in Pennsylvania; The Andron, and Nelo An Introspect; Aussies in their mid twenties, the former a former Catholic seminarian; or Dehumanizing the Boy, from a UCSanta Barbara grad student in linguistics.

One who has a big following, so comments would get widely noticed, is the beautiful young Australian photographer, Shannon Boh, whose blog is titled Shannon's Blog. I follow him because he is intelligent and thoughtful, but for some reason, he's not on my list. Here's his url:

Another blogger with a large following is the big-hearted Hispanic-American high schooler David Andrew Delacruz at

After you've checked these out, why not just scroll down the list on my blog. Some may interest you, and some not. Some are people I agree with a lot of the time, and many are just people I like (like Mambam) or care about.

Mike said...

I was just thinking about you tonight as I was in your area on a layover on my way home from Orlando.

Welcome back!

Glad to hear that for the mostpart things are going well for you

Diary of a Mad Latino Man said...

Thanks Mike!!!!